Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin is about building habits, so of course it has insights you can use to build your writing habit. Use this book to choose, build, and maintain the right habit for you.
Topics
Writer, Know Thyself
If you picked up Better Than Before hoping to find the one, true answer to your habit dilemma, it’s not here. Well, it is, but your one, true answer for building your writing habit will differ from my one, true answer on how to build my writing habit. Gretchen Rubin did the research for us, distilled the latest science and thoughts on habit formation into manageable packets. But you, the reader/writer, must start with self-knowledge.
You may already be aware of Rubin’s framework of the Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. When I suggest building a daily habit of writing Rebels will… well, rebel against that structure. This may explain some writers I know who refuse to consider creating a daily habit of writing and insist they will only write when they feel inspired. My follow up question will now be, “great, what will help you feel inspired tomorrow? And the day after that? And the next day?”
My weekly Write Time and other co-writing sessions is exactly what Obligers can use to meet the outer expectation of showing up which helps them with their struggle to follow through on the inner expectations of writing their book or blog.
Upholders don’t need that outer expectation of showing up, as they are motivated by meeting their inner expectations. If they’ve put “writing” on their calendar, they’ll write regardless of anyone else knowing their schedule. They might show up to the Write Time for other reasons, such as the social aspect of a group of writers writing.
Questioners will have lots of questions before they’re ready to make a habit of writing. They’ll ask why and want to know how, when, and where also.
After the Four Tendences, Rubin continues the self-knowledge path by asking are you …
Lark or Owl?
Marathoner, Sprinter or Procrastinator?
Underbuyer or Overbuyer?
Simplicity Lover or Abundance Lover?
Finisher or Opener?
Familiarity Lover or Novelty Lover?
Promotion-Focused or Prevent-Focused
Small Steps or Big Steps
She asks questions about how you like to spend your time, what you value, what your current habits are.
We can build our habits only on the foundation of our own nature. - Gretchen Rubin -
When you read the Self-Knowledge section of Better Than Before, you’ll probably find, like I did, that some things you already knew about yourself. Though you already know these things, keep them in mind when you are building or tweaking your writing habit. Apply what you know works for you.
However, there’s likely to be a jolt or two as you uncover a truth you weren’t aware of, and it can make all the difference.
One of my clients is an amazing quilter and a writer. She was struggling with her writing. I suggested she start quilting again. You see, she thought it was either quilting or writing. She never thought she could do both, but the quilting was absolutely necessary to feed her creativity. (I’ll talk about her False Choice Loophole thinking later). Then she placed another stumbling block in her path. She felt she needed to finish all the quilts she had started before she could dive into creating a new quilt. Her favorite parts of quilting were playing with the fabric and the initial development of the pattern, but she had so many quilts at different stages, she felt she had to clear those away first.
I assured her she didn’t have to finish them all, since it was possible they had already served their purpose. Maybe she’d started them to learn a new technique or try for a different feeling or look with the fabric. Maybe, just maybe, she was a scanner and liked to learn and try different things and “finishing” them was ultimately unimportant to her. I suggested a book called Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher. A book that was important to my understanding of my own nature and preferences. I hadn’t yet read Better Than Before and Rubin’s distinction between Finisher and Opener.
The jolt came for me with the distinction between Promotion-Focused and Prevention-Focused. Rubin laid open my struggle with writing and marketing my books when she wrote “…prevention-focused people concentrate…on avoiding losses, and on minimizing danger, pain, or censure.” I’ve never considered myself risk-adverse (my term for prevention-focused) as I’ve lived in interesting places, tried lots of new things, and rarely followed trends. But when, with writing in mind, I read about promotion-focused and prevention-focused, I felt the truth. Memories, situations, feelings flooded my mind and being prevention-focused explained my struggle to promote my books, my business, and myself. It also clarified my challenge in getting back into my writing.
With my prevention-focused uncovered, a deeper reason for my struggle and my acceptance that Steve (my husband) will require more assistance as his Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA) progresses, I had decided to give up writing my books, blogs, and newsletters for the next five years. I resolved to help Steve publish his amazing stories, which he had written before the PPA stole his ability to read and write.
I now manage all the day-to-day things that two people once dealt with. I handle the major hurdles of life-changing circumstances. It takes more time, more focus, and more energy. But would it be impossible to do that AND keep writing? Challenging? Definitely! Impossible? No. But the decision to give up my writing soothed my prevention-focused anxiety.
However, this morning I woke to the thought that my “books” would never exist. I have several books started and none of them would ever exist if I gave up writing.
Rubin never said that prevention-focused was better or worse than promotion-focused. She only wanted the reader to know what arguments would resonate for the reader as they built a habit. As I wrote this review, I came to understand that my motivation to get back to writing caused by knowing my “books” would never exist was prevention-focused motivation.
The stronger incentive lies in focusing on what books I might lose if I stopped writing, rather than preventing the potential pain of writing and publishing. I’m intent on writing again. Now to rebuild my writing habit.
Self-knowledge can show you the way through the quagmire that is the life of a writer. Once you understand yourself and your preferences as offered in Better Than Before, it’s time to look at the Pillars of Habits.
Strategies for Building Your Writing Habit
Rubin acknowledges that sometimes she refuses to follow the “expert” advice because she has a data point of one — herself or someone she knows did it differently and it worked. Self-knowledge is more conducive to success than the average data from research. So, you must view the strategies she shares through the lens of what you know about yourself.
For example: The four Pillars of Habits are Monitoring, Foundation, Scheduling, and Accountability.
If you know that you’re an Obliger, finding the right accountability partner or group may be key to building your writing habit. If you’re an Upholder, adding your writing time to your schedule will likely be enough to stick to your writing plan.
Monitoring or tracking your writing can take different forms. You might be willing to check off the days you write on a calendar. Just showing up and writing a sentence so you can check that day off might be motivating enough to show up again and again. As a Questioner, would you find it useful to count your words from each session to determine a realistic estimate of how long it will take you to write the book?
Rubin encourages the reader to start by building foundational habits before branching out into more specialized habits. Habits that will help us 1) sleep, 2) move, 3) eat and drink right, and 4) unclutter. For the writers who are adamant they don’t write unless they are inspired to write (they might be Rebels), could the Foundation pillar further their writing goals? I wonder.
Foundation isn’t about writing at all. Or is it? Getting enough sleep, moving more, and eating better definitely will help you think, muse, ponder, dream, cogitate, consider, create and write. Uncluttering your schedule can open your day up for writing.
More Strategies to Unlock Your Writing Productivity
Not every strategy will be useful to you and not all of those will apply to building your writing habit. But reading the book and looking for the strategies that you can apply is time well spent.
Rubin has a section on The Best Time To Begin covering:
First Steps
Clean Slate
Lightning Bolt
If you haven’t started your book, then this section may be especially useful to you. If you haven’t started writing again, this section may explain a lot and maybe you’ll come up with an idea or two to get the spark back.
Another section Desire, Ease, And Excuses introduces:
Abstaining
Convenience
Inconvenience
Safeguards
Loophole-Spotting
Distraction
Reward
Treats
Pairing
Back to the client I mentioned at the beginning who thought she could write or quilt but not both. She was struggling with Rubin’s False Choice Loophole. I hear this loophole a lot when writers explain why they’re not writing. They’ll write when they retire or when the kids grow up or when things slow down. I’ve used this excuse myself. That’s not to say that every time you choose some other task over writing that it’s a False Choice. But before you rule out writing, dig a little deeper to see how you could do both. Sometimes your choice is just an excuse and sometimes it’s a good reason. Here are the Top 5 Excuses for Not Writing.
Though Rubin mentions Distractions, it doesn’t cover distractions that take you away from good habits, but things that distract you from acting on bad habits (i.e. brushing your teeth after dinner so you don’t snack). However, in her chapters on Inconvenience and Safeguards, you might find some tactics to keep you off the internet when you’re supposed to be writing. Want more ideas? Scan Focused Writing: Limit Online Distractions to find an approach that works for you. Or maybe you need to figure out a way to keep writing instead of doing the laundry, checking what’s in the fridge, or organizing that desk drawer.
The Unique, Just Like Everyone Else sections wraps up the strategies with:
Clarity
Identity
Other People
Own the Identity of writer. If you write, you are a writer.
I didn’t say, “if you are writing a novel, you’re a writer.” I didn’t say, “if you are an amazing writer, you’re a writer.” I didn’t say, “if you have an agent, you’re a writer.” I said, “if you write, you are a writer.” And if you think of yourself as a writer, but you’re not writing… then get writing!
I think the identity and the habit go hand in hand for many of us. If you write, you begin to see yourself as a writer. If you see yourself as a writer, it bolsters your writing habit.
Is This Book for Writers?
In her conclusion, Rubin reminds us that complete transformations can happen, but more often we just end up in “a place that’s better than before. And that’s enough.”
That’s why this book is for writers. Tweaking, strengthening, and supporting your writing habit will not miraculously help you write a bestseller, but it will definitely put you in a place to be a better and more productive writer. I've pointed out only a few writing-related strategies. Read the book. Identify the strategies that will make your writing habit stronger. And keep writing.
One last thought to leave you with…
Rubin’s definitions:
Routine — a string of habits.
Ritual — a habit charged with transcendent meaning.
Though I talk about your writing habit, I would encourage you to look at how to develop it into a routine and transform it into a ritual. I believe you change the world with your writing and in turn your writing changes you.
So… What do you need to build a stronger writing habit, routine, or ritual?
Resource Roundup
__________
When you're ready... 3 ways to move forward on your book journey:
Subscribe to The Organized Pen. Get the tips, tools and strategies you need for your writing journey. ✍ Sign up for The Organized Pen.
Join us for the Write Time! If you're looking for the perfect writing partner, look no further than our Write Time group. I am hosting three-hour co-writing sessions every Saturday. Join us for the full 3 hours, just 2 hours, or come for 30 minutes. 📝 Learn more.
Let's talk about your book. I offer a 50-minute complimentary consultation to discuss your book, determine if I can be a great team member on your book journey, and identify your next steps, whether I'm part of the journey or not. 📅 Schedule a time to talk about your book.
*FYI: I do receive $ from Amazon when you click on product links and purchase items from Amazon. So far I've been able to buy, on average, 3 cups of coffee each year from the income.
Comments